It's late, and I'm awake. Seems to be a trend lately. Need to find a way to fix that, I guess it would help if I layed down and tried to sleep instead of reaching for the computer.
Today I baked. In an empty house. I turned up the radio and just worked. Didn't get as much done as I'd hoped but I did get a lot done still. Then at 2:15 when the kiddos came in the door from the neighbors house I hung up my apron and I played. I read books, helped with homework, and snuggled. And I wasn't stressed about how much I needed to do, and I wasn't thinking about all that I wanted to do instead. I just played and spent time and loved it.
Then at 5:30 Aaron came home, I got ready and went to the temple. I've only been once in the last year, and it wasn't such a great experience. It was in the middle of a bad emotional and spiritual time for me, and it was weird. And I never wanted to go back. But I did, and I felt the spirit, and I loved it. I love being able to go in and forget the world and feel such a sense of calmness and peace. It was very refreshing and I didn't realize how much I had missed it. And to top it off I came home to a clean house, sleeping children, and a happy husband.
Today was a good day. The best in a while. And I'm thankful for that.
Parker is reading now. Today he read me Green Eggs and Ham and the ABC book. It's fun to hear him read. I love it. He's also learning a lot about numbers. He walks around reciting addition facts and mumbling numbers. I loved to see him learning so fast. He's grown so much in the past few months being in school. What a smart boy he is. He drew a picture for me on the white board yesterday. It was a picture of me next to our house and a big flower. There were hearts in teh air around me. He said to me "You know what these hearts are for mommy? There for you because I love you"
I love that boy too.
8 years ago my life was at a crossroads. I had a lot of big decisions to make that were going to affect a lot of people. And it was hard, harder than anything I ever want to go through ever again. And my heart was broken into a million pieces because of it. Most came back together, but a few will always be lost. But I'm glad to say that even though I still have days and moments when I miss those pieces and wonder if I will ever really feel whole again, I can look around me, and at this amazing life I have been given. And that I worked really hard to get after everything else, and I feel like the luckiest girl alive. If it hadn't been for the lessons I learned from those hard things, I wouldn't have found Aaron, and I wouldn't have these 3 darling boys that make me so incredibly happy.
There are people I love going through hard things right now, and my heart breaks for them. And I want to fix it somehow even though I know I can't. But I know this, that Heavenly Father has a plan, and even though sometimes it seems to make no sense, and you wonder if things will ever seem alright, one day you look up and realize that life is better than you could have ever imagined or planned on your own. And you can see how he lead you through the hard times to prepare you for better things to come. I heard a quote somewhere once about prayer. It went something like this.
Sometimes when we pray for something and God says no it's because He has something better in store for us. So to those of you who are praying for those things that you so very much deserve and it makes no sense to us why you can't have it, I pray that your something better will be on it's way soon, and that your heart can stop aching.
7 comments:
Kari,
wow. so much to say really. I feel really lucky we got to be there with you 8 yrs ago. And I've always remembered how brave you were. I've never seen anybody go through anything that hard. I'm so glad things have turned out so well for you. And I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad to have you in my family. :)
I've been missing the temple lately. I miss being close enough to just go when I want to. It would be nice. I'm glad you had a great experience. My favorite part of it is the peace. It's truly truly peaceful.
Thanks for strengthening me. I love you!
KARI I LOVE YOU....I cry for your trials and I met you long after but know that Heavenly Father always knows whats best.
Oh Kari you are so amazing and you have overcome your trials so well, I hope that someday I may be able to as well. I am glad that you were able to attend the temple and feel that wonderful calmness, I have been longing for that lately but haven't been able to go but I hope to be able to very soon.
I must say that quote you put on here touched a very tender spot in my heart and made me cry but not a sad cry because I know it is true and that our trials here on earth are to teach and prepare us for things to come. Thanks for the reminder about what is truly important in life.
Kari, we all love you. I love how open you are. I love being able to ask your opinion on things and get honesty back. I cannot imagine the trials you have had to face but am glad for the person you are because of them. You are amazing, even on the days you don't feel it, you are and many of us would do anything for you.
I love you Kari!!!
A lovely post. You left me with a feeling of peace. So many crossroads, some of them traumatic, some just - one way or the other. But standing in the right place at the right time - yes, important. And amazing. I've told you how proud we are. Of you. Of wonderful you.
Okay well I am a little late reading this post and yes of course I cried. I think you are pretty amazing myself and I know I am biased but that is a mothers right. Thanks for your sweet words and for your strong spirit and example to all of us. Glad you had a peaceful time at the temple. I wish I could have gone with you but then again I think it is really important to go by your self once in a while. It's a good time for reflection and meditation and prayer. Love you.
Post a Comment