One year

A few weeks ago we marked the 1st anniversary since Dad had to leave us. As the day got closer I realized that it wasn't so much the day I was dreading but that there were so many events in the few weeks preceding us dead that held such tender memories. I've been fortunate to live close to mum Mom and Dad for the last 8 years and my kids got to spend a lot of time with them. Knowing that Quinn wasn't going to have that opportunity with my Dad has been heartbreaking for me. But in the few days before Dad passed away he was able to have a few moments with him. The first was at the hospital after Quinn's birth, however I don't know that Dad really remember much of that visit. But when Quinn was 1 week old my sweet mother in law, who was in town helping me, watched the other kids so I could take Quinn to visit my parents for the day. It was so special to be able to see Dad hold him and love him, and the things he said that day touched my heart so deeply I will always cherish them. Then next, and last, was just a few days before Dads death. My brothers and I gathered that weekend at my parents house to spend time all together as a family and say our goodbyes. Dad wasn't able to communicate with us much at that time but when I laid Quinn by his side he tried to move his arms to hold him. I knew then that he knew we were all there and that he was as sad to leave his grandchildren as we were to see him go.
So the day came and I knew it would be hard, so I wanted to make it as fun as we could because I knew Dad would want us to help the kids remember how much he loved them and enjoyed doing fun things with them. So we let the kids skip school and Aaron took the day off and we went to the zoo. We went the cemetery first and took some flowers and balloons for Dad and Kenny and then we went off for some fun.
The zoo was nearly empty of visitors and we got too see everything and take our time without being stressed about losing any kids. One of the last times we went there was with Dad so it was perfect. It was a lot of fun and the kids can't wait to go again.
My Mom had bought some paper lantern for us all to light that night do when it got dark we headed over to the park to light them. The kids thought it was fun that we got to send the lanterns to heaven.
It's hard to believe a year has past,
I'm glad that a lot of the first without Dad are over, but there ate still many more to come and I know each one will bring with it a little bit of sadness. But that's just part of the deal and I'm trying hard to hold on to the hope that we will get to all be together again one day.