Last night we were playing a game with Parker. He has a bunch of flashcards with pictures and letters and shapes etc. on them. He likes to lay a bunch down and then we ask him to find a particular one giving him hints to what is on it. He does really well and usually is very quick to give you the card. I think having Daddy play made him a little silly though. Last night we would ask him where a card was and he would put his hands up and say "I can't find it, it's just 4 blocks away." I guess you had to be there but it was pretty funny.
The last month or so has been very challenging with Parker. I'm starting to think maybe he is just really bored or something. He plays hard all morning, gets really hyper, really really hyper, stops listening to anything I tell him. Pushes and kicks KC and then has a complete melt down for the next 3-4 hrs until he finally crashes and falls asleep. Needless to say I think I am ready to retire from motherhood. So since that is not really a very good option we came up with a new plan.
Everyday from 10-12 is special Parker play time. We made some envelopes with cards that have different ideas of activities. There is one for inside activities, outside, places to go, chores, and special surprises for when he can be a good listener for a whole day. There is also an envelope to put cards in if they get taken away by bad behavior.
Some of the things are like playing with blocks, running through the sprinklers, going to the park or library, racing Mommy in the backyard, finger painting, etc. I hope it helps us both take the time to help him use his energy appropriately and feel like he is getting the attention he needs. We'll use them too anytime he is starting to act up and we need a positive way to channel the energy. I'll let you know how it goes. I have a great book called The Out of Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz. Its about sensory processing disorders and how to deal with them. When we talked tot he occupational therapist about Parker they recommended it and doing what they call a sensory diet. It's hard to explain but basically Parker has a sensory seeking disorder so that his brain doesn't process stimulation correctly so he is constantly seeking more, which contributes to the hyperness and acting out. This along with ADHD and we have our hands full. A lot of the activities we planned for him are suggestions from the sensory diet to help raise his sensory stimulation levels so that he can respond appropriately to different situations. I also found the coolest website called Southpawenterprises. It has all sorts of things to use with kids to do therapy of sorts with them. One day I hope we can have a whole room with these kinds of things in it for Parker.
Anyways I think the hardest part is just realizing that my first priority needs to be being a mother, not making cake or finding freebees ;). Or cleaning house etc. But really spending quality time with Parker and KC and giving them my attention. This is so hard for me some days. I think all mothers have those days when they just have a hundred other things to do. I hate the excuse that some people give that its okay if their house is a wreck because they are giving their time to the kids instead. I think you have to have a good balance of both so your kids don't think its okay to neglect all those other things. Anyways, being a mom is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. And I am grateful for those days far and in between when Parker wraps his arms around my necks and smothers me in kisses and calls me his sweetheart. And says please and thank you all day. And I get to see that he is actually learning something from me. If not for those I don't know how we would make it through.
So anyways thanks to everyone for all your support and advice and friendship. I'm grateful that we have each other to talk to while we all go through this motherhood thing together.
10 comments:
What a great idea with the envelopes! I think I'm going to do something like that for Bridget this summer. Did you type up the things to put in the envelopes? If you have them saved, I'd love it if you'd email it to me. And I agree with you about finding a balance between taking care of kids and the house. We're working hard at setting a good example for our girls.
I bet the swingset will help out with some of Parker's situation. We had some friends who's little boy had a sensory problem. One of their therapies was to swing with him. I don't think it was the same as you're dealing with, but hopefully that beautiful new swingset will really be enjoyed!
Reg, I just drew pictures on index cards and colored them. And its already helped. Parker was mid-meltdown and I asked him if he wanted to do a card and he stopped crying immediatly and is currently having fun soaking my kitchen "doing dishes". The card he first drew was actually read stories, but he asked to pick a different one. Fine by me, at least hes not screaming, and he actually said thanks for letting him play with the water.
I'm glad you've got hope! He will learn how to cope with life, eventually - and you'll learn a lot in the process too, I imagine! We love you so and wish he could be closer to come and play with us!
Being the mom is often the hardest thing for me as well - it's like Long-distance running and somehow I see myself as a sprinter - with a defined start and end point and a quick run in between. All day, every day can be really, really long! You're doing a great job!
I think that's great advice for any parent, not just mothers with challenging kids! Awesome ideas, Kari. I need to stop worrying so much about those "other things," too, and start spending more time with my kids. You've lit the fire under me! :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts and struggles so the rest of us know we are not the only ones going through it!
I can't possibly imagine there is anything with Parker. Perhaps he should spend some time with his great grandpa in stansbury Park. Love ya Bruno
I can't imagine there is anything wrong with Parker. Perhaps he should spend some time with his great grandpa in Stansbury Park.
The envelops are a great idea! My neighbor has 2 kids with ADHD and they do the herbal thing (which are great sleeping pills!),
anyway...they give them energy pills that evens out their brain to their bodies. (ADHD is where their body is tired and their mind is pumping so much faster that they act out and this way it kicks their body into gear and then it's even and no more hyper, it can all go even together).
That is how they explained it to me. I have given a few to Kai and it does seem to mellow him out, not drug him. Kai hasn't been diagnosed with anything but he too can be very hyper. Good luck with everything. I think we are all trying to find the balance and not lose ourselves as well.
What pills are these? I need some like today. They said when he gets ready for kindergarden we can start meds, but I hate the idea of such strong medication in such a little person. If you could get the name of the herbal stuff I would really appreciate it. Thanks Sarah
My comp hasn't let me comment lately so I am sorry to get back to you so late. They are Energy herbs from Grandma's Herbs. The owners are in our ward and they give them to Jake to make it through the day if he is struggling and they "donate" them to him. I'll get some more. THey are in Montana. Go to their grandmas-herbs.com website and look around. I'll get back to you!
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